Even after many beautiful years living in the grace of being a Christian, I often look at the piles of rubbish: stupid beliefs, insecurities, hurts, weaknesses and sin in my life and think “Come on Lord, why can’t you just deal with all this junk and sort me out quicker?”
I’m at a conference this week, and I’m going over old ground again: The heart of the father towards me, the need to forgive and to accept forgiveness… Old and slightly painful ground. So I’m living in that place of frustration right now that there is STILL more junk to be dealt with. Still more rocks to be pulled out of my spiritual backpack. But in the middle of that frustration God is reminding me of this picture…
One day a while ago, when I was berating my patient Father about his slowness in ridding me of all my junk, he reminded me of a beautiful fuchsia plant that used to grow in our front garden. I once spent a whole afternoon sitting on the garden wall, slowly unwrapping the bindweed which had grown up around it, spiralling around every branch and stem until the whole plant was weighed down and choked by the weed.
I was desperate to save the beautiful plant, but ripping at the weed quickly would have certainly destroyed it. So I had no choice but to sit and slowly unwrap it, stem by stem. It took a long time. And God showed me that I am like the fuschia: delicate, beautiful, cherished; and that he is like a gardener: careful, deliberate, patient and thorough.
I have no doubt that my powerful father could heal me quickly, could tear from me all the parts of me that are marred and broken, twisted up or distorted. But his desire is not simply to get rid of the weed, but to save the plant and see it restored.
“Heal me”, I said,
“Heal me quickly LORD”
“I’ll do it carefully”, He replied
“So that all that is wonderful,
All that is beautiful,
All that I cherish so much
P.S. At one point today, I sat with Jesus and said:
“I’m sorry Lord, I am just way too tired to deal with you taking more rocks out of my backpack today”
I’m pretty sure I heard him laugh out loud at that one!
Please don’t resist the healing, the freedom, the release from heaviness that he is offering you today. I know it’s uncomfortable to look inside and find even more rocks in there, but the truth is that we will both walk so much better without them tomorrow…